Back when I was commuting between Abu Dis and Ramallah daily, and most especially when I was pregnant with twins and my belly was doing all the driving, I was stopped on my way home every day to be on the Jaba Checkpoint and asked where I was going… Everyday I had to fight the urge to say Paris!
Dear Jabaa’ Checkpoint Soldier
I am going to Ramallah. I will always be going to Ramallah when I pass you. Day in day out, that will always be my destination. Where else could I be going in my Palestinian plates car and Palestinian ID passing through your precious little checkpoint? Paris, mathalan [for example] ? For the thousandth time, I do not speak Hebrew. No, I do not carry any fancy foreign passport. Yes, I speak English fluently, because I am smart, I worked hard, and instead of spending my teenage years learning how to use a gun, I spent them holed up in my room, reading books and learning how to use my pen.
Much to your surprise, I am a professor of chemistry, of all subjects. Please collect your jaw off the floor. I spent eleven years studying abroad, in the United states to be exact. I did not consider remaining there, and I did not apply for a green card. The only green card I carry is my Palestinian I.D. It does not grant me any privileges, in fact it has sometimes deprived me of basic rights, like the freedom of movement in my own country. But I hang on to it dearly, and will not replace it with the “good” green card, as you so eloquently put it. Where is that accent of yours from? Russia? Is that why you came to “Israel”, looking for the equivalent of a”good” green card?
Don’t you get tired of stopping my car every day? Isn’t it a bit monotonous to be asking me the same question? “Where are you going? Lawain?” Every day I have to discipline my urge to get lippy with you . I have to stop the words from throwing themselves at you and then exploding in your face (no pun intended, or maybe it is). What I really want to say in response to your ridiculous question: To Paris!! I am going to Paris!! Through your checkpoint I hope the world will receive me with wide strong arms. I hope it will cradle my dreams and handle them with care, and that it will not crush them like you have managed to do with the hopes and dreams of all Palestinians in the past present and many generations to come. To Paris, so I can have creamy butter croissant, and good coffee early in the morning, and fine aged wine with my deliciously fresh salad in the evening. To Paris, so I can attend contemporary dance festivals and poetry readings. So I can walk in open air markets. To Paris, so I can meet smart educated people, and have endless philosophical discussions filled with rhetorical questions pondering the state of the world. To Paris, so I can sit on my window sill and yearn for better times at home. So I can live and breathe everything Palestinian like it was the last breath after a long struggle with a terminal illness. To Paris, so I can never forget your checkpoint and the long boring humiliating unnecessary delays, so I can carry the cries of a pregnant woman giving birth at your checkpoint in the creases of my wrinkled dress, and the endless spaces of my soul. To Paris, so I can tell the world about my students sitting on the ground, shirtless, handcuffed for one reason and one reason only…they don’t carry the “good” green card. So I can write countless blog entries about men, women and children who were once trying to get somewhere but never did because of your checkpoint. To Paris, so I can write about Palestine like a distant land that inhabits the warmest chambers of one’s heart, so close yet so unattainable.
But wait just a second! I do that already, all day every day right here, just twenty minutes beyond your checkpoint in a tiny little town called Ramallah. So NO of course I am not going to Paris, I am still going to Ramallah. And I still yearn for Palestine and better times, every day, all day.
Please wipe that shocked look off your face. Release the grip on your gun. And relax the angles of your mouth, it appears that you are smiling, or maybe just smirking. I am not an untamed animal trying to escape my cage, I do not have a tail growing out of my behind. This is not a zoo. I am a woman, and to your grave disappointment you and I belong to the same species. We are both Homo sapiens, a.k.a humans. Contemplate THAT while you wait to harass the next car passing through your precious checkpoint. In the meantime, I am still going to Ramallah!!!
Not So Sincerely,
An Educated Palestinian Woman ( possibly your worst and your government’s worst nightmare and Palestine’s best potential)